


Swim Out Past the Breakers

by interstellar_corvid



Series: Still living with your ghost [2]
Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hugs, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Slice of Life, Touch-Starved, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 10:47:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21035000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interstellar_corvid/pseuds/interstellar_corvid
Summary: Watch the world die





	Swim Out Past the Breakers

Doug hasn't had an… _incident_ in a long time. He hasn't had a major panic attack, as Renee likes to call them, in a whole-ass month, thank you very much. 

So _maybe_ he's forgotten how to breathe under his desk a few times because Kepler has _no_ respect for boundaries, but hey, that doesn't count. He's hoping there won't be another Code Eiffel for a while. Doug knows Kepler's gonna go too far eventually, because god, it's like the man is  _ trying _ to trigger them. The other day, he forced Renee to help out in the sick bay as a punishment for god knows what. Pryce had come in with a nasty chest infection. Renee's already uneasy enough around medical equipment because of the old bastard, and Pryce's hacking had scared the shit out of her. She came running to Doug, and he spent the better part of an hour trying to calm her down.

They had slept in the same bed that night, but nobody needs to know that. It's gonna stay just between them, because sometimes a family is a communications officer and your married commander that you're kind of in love with. Just two people trauma bonding over deadly diseases and deep space missions and the utter bullshit that is their lives. 

Yeah, Kepler seems to take some sadistic form of joy in tormenting them. After Renee's incident and Hilbert's unfortunate meeting between a hand and a drawer, Doug's getting anxious over who's next. Just then, his thoughts are interrupted by the buzz of the comms and Kepler's unmistakable greeting. Motherfucker. 

"Officer Eiffel, I'd  _ really _ appreciate it if you could head on down to airlock C. We've got a little job for you!"

The quote unquote pleasant drawl only adds insult to injury, and the irony of the situation almost makes Doug laugh.  _ Almost.  _ The airlock thing kind of scares him, but hey, the cold vacuum of space sounds nicer than Kepler after being ignored. Airlock C, here he comes. 

《-------------------------------------------------》

Oh, yeah, this isn't going to end well. The minute he gets down to the airlock, he knows something is off. 

Renee stands near the wall, somehow looking dignified and incredibly awkward at the same time. Jacobi's there too, god knows why, unlocking one of the compartments that holds a suit. Upon Doug's entrance, Kepler's lackey turns around, offering nothing more than a nod as a greeting. Turning to Renee, he asks, "Ok, what's going on?"

Her eyebrows knit together, and just as she's about to speak, Jacobi interjects. "Eiffel, Kepler wants you to go out and adjust the satellite dish. Minkowski's suiting you up. Try not to fuck it up too badly." And with that, he leaves. God, that guy's weird.

As soon as Jacobi's gone, Renee's sharp military stance and blank expression soften. She looks apologetic, maybe even a little nervous. "Sorry, Doug. I don't know why he wants you specifically, but like Jacobi said, Kepler's orders." He shrugs, trying to seem nonchalant, even though he's really damn anxious because Kepler never does anything without reason. "S'fine, Commander. I'm sure Kepler just wants an excuse to launch me out the airlock- nothing new there. I probably did something to deserve it, anyway. " Even as he's joking, the minute his hand touches the suit Renee's trying to finagle out of the locker he breaks out in a cold sweat. The last time he stepped into one of them he almost  _ drowned,  _ so Doug thinks he has the right to be a little freaked out. 

Renee helps him step into the bulky suit, and the minute it's zipped, he can feel his lungs go tight. She must notice something's wrong, because he can see the lines around her eyes creasing. It kind of makes him feel bad, how much he worries her. If they make it home alive, he thinks, he should buy her a fruit basket or something. Have them write  _ Thanks For Not Letting Me Die In Space _ in big sparkly letters.

He tunes back in, and hears Renee's concerned tone. "Eiffel, do you want me to go out instead? You know everyone looks the same on the cameras. I'm sure it'll be fine." Despite wanting very, very much to not be ejected into space today, Doug shakes his head. He has a bad feeling that Kepler would find out, no matter how sure Renee is. She still looks apprehensive, and he decides that he should at least try to placate her. "It's fine, Commander. I'll live." He tries to make it a joke, maybe even uplifting, but the taut feeling in his chest makes his voice tremble and it comes out weak. 

When he puts the helmet on, his lungs freeze up even more in a way that reminds him unpleasantly of both cryo and decima, and he just  _ knows _ that something's going to go wrong. He can't cause more problems for Renee, though, so Doug puts on a brave face and moves to stand at the airlock door. The commander still looks anxious, but she squeezes his shoulder and exits the room to stand by the release button. He checks his tether with shaking hands, and then suddenly he's in the cold void of space. Even more suddenly, he can't breath. He sees that familiar red star and he swears he can feel his lungs filling up with water, and god, isn't that ironic? Space, and he feels like he's drowning for the second time. 

He's heaving and gasping and choking for air, but all he can think is  _ god, space is beautiful _ , as his vision goes black around the edges. His heart is pounding and he feels water lapping at his cheeks and nose, and he really might drown in space this time-

Just as the tears start to pour from his eyes as he coughs in the nonexistent flood, a sharp tug on the tether yanks him back into the airlock. All of a sudden he's not in space anymore, and Renee's running over, and she pulls his helmet off and he can almost breath again. Doug just sits on the floor, hands braced in front of him, tears dripping off of his nose and thin, hollow cheeks like the awful, tepid water did the first time he was in this situation. Renee is kneeling in front of him, one hand on his shoulder and the other pressing against the side of his face, warm and calloused. Her voice is quiet, her tone warmer than he deserves. "Doug? Doug, are you alright? What happened, you were literally out there for ten seconds,  _ how-" _

He cuts her off, leaning in and resting his head on her shoulder. She freezes for just a moment then brings her arms up to wrap around him, and Doug almost thinks he feels her lips press into the top of his head, but he isn't quite sure. Either way, they don't move for a long while, and he's content, despite the aching of his lungs and the tear tracks down his face. 


End file.
